Poetry, Prose, and Procrastination

fail #1

Mon, 05 Oct 2009 19:13:37 GMT

hospital soup = FAIL

Hungry Hungry Hippos

Mon, 05 Oct 2009 13:34:49 GMT

I guess you can tell what is on my mind...

Pokey Needles and Low Carb Diets

Mon, 05 Oct 2009 12:53:03 GMT

Blood work today. Ick. No me gusta needles. Can't eat till its done either. But before all that, I have an appointment with a nutritionist, the kind that tells you that 1/2 a cup of mashed potatoes IS a full serving. Good thing my new medication makes me less hungry.

3 down, 2 to go...

Sun, 04 Oct 2009 17:00:39 GMT

I'm not sure if I have mentioned it here before but i have been retaining a lot of water in my feet and lower legs as well as sometimes in my hands. I have also been having occasional chest pain and wheezing. Well, I went to see the doctor and now he is testing my kidneys, liver, thyroid, lungs, insulin levels and most importantlly, my heart. It's possible that i could have congestive heart failure. I'm pretty sure that i don't need to tell you that I'm scared, especially since my mom died of cancer and the thought of hosiptals and or dying makes me want to puke from fear. The kidney and liver tests came back fine but everything else is TBA. I will try and keep you posted.

Apologies, again

Sun, 04 Oct 2009 14:31:55 GMT

Once again, I have left this journal by the wayside. The apology routine is getting old but I still feel like I owe it to the one or two people who actually read this thing. too much to recap at this point. Just wanted to let people know that I'm not dead... yet. but more on that later. So just consider this a hi and hello. *waves*

Twitter and stuff

Wed, 26 Aug 2009 11:06:06 GMT

Oh mayo, what foul fortune you have cast upon me! I should have let you waste in the sun. But alas, tis too late to summon away your poison.about 13 hours ago from txt

The 140 characters that used to be so liberating now feel so constricting.2:07 AM Aug 25th from txt

I'm not holding my breath for you. I like breathing freely.3:40 AM Aug 24th from web

In the darkness of night, like a phoenix she rises only to spread her wings and fly away.12:03 AM Aug 24th from txt

#bestsexsong Colorblind by the Counting Crows - bittersweet and slow: perfect

Taking down so much art work. Never thought it would hurt this bad.3:40 AM Aug 23rd from web

Sharing art is one of the few things that gives me a true feeling of community.12:29 AM Aug 22nd from txt "bipolar, does that mean you like penguins and polar bears" - Stephen7:30 AM Aug 21st from web

Because you asked: CHEERY WORDS! Why is my twitter so sad? I'm a cynic with bipolar mood swings. Get over it.7:10 AM Aug 21st from web

Photography instead of math = WIN! If only I had the $$$

Cooking hard boiled eggs: Win. Peeling hard boiled eggs: not so much...10:01 AM Aug 20th from web

No sunrise, just rain.10:00 AM Aug 20th from web

Going out to catch the sunrise. A rare perk to an odd sleep pattern.6:14 AM Aug 20th from web

Chapter 2 complete! *happy dance*2:06 AM Aug 20th from web

2025! Congrats to me!1:40 AM Aug 20th from txt

Taking my own advice and going to sleep.4:47 AM Aug 19th from txt

Narcolepsy or depression: *yawn* the world may never know

I told you the truth, blunt and brutal. Resilience never looked so unappealing.2:32 AM Aug 19th from web

Over 1600 words strong! Yay me! *claps*1:24 AM Aug 19th from web

Just saying good night as the sun says good morning.5:59 AM Aug 18th from txt

Illuminate me. I have been hidden away in the darkness for too long.7:10 PM Aug 17th from web

"With my freeze ray I will stop the pain." - Dr. Horrible6:59 PM Aug 17th from web

I want nothing more than to kill your suicide plans and keep you safe with me.5:01 PM Aug 17th from txt

1:24 PM Aug 23rd from web

I'm lazy, so twitter it is (format fail)

Sun, 16 Aug 2009 09:46:18 GMT

[edit - I tried to reformat so it would at least be legible. it is still format fail]
Any questions about what something means, just leave a comment. Disclaimer: These twitter posts may or may not reflect my actual actions, feelings, and/or desires. Collectively, they are nothing more that random, instantaneous thoughts and as such should not be taken seriously unless indicated outside of the actual post.

Move with me in a rhythm older than time. Forgetting is bliss. So hypnotic, it clouds my mind to everything but your pulse. less than 20 seconds ago from web

I want to fill every crevice of my soul but there is nothing here. Even the rivers have turned into dust.14 minutes ago from web

I don't know how I can love you when you put my heart in a blender and pushed purée. about 22 hours ago from txt
Slip off your dress but keep your mask on. Sweetheart, this masquerade continues under the sheets. about 22 hours ago from txt
I don't give a fuck what you say. I still feel ignored. about 22 hours ago from txt
I understand she is your life, your obsession. But, maybe someday, you will see me. about from txt
Lonely days blending into lonely nights makes for nothing but a sea of despair.1:53 AM Aug 14th from txt
I wish I had an ex-girlfriend to obsess about...5:07 AM Aug 13th from web
Thank you for helping me forget how lonely I am.3:33 AM Aug 12th from web
I still might be paranoid but I think she is sick of me already.11:28 PM Aug 11th from txt
I guess I'm not that paranoid. She still hasn’t talked to me. Why do I even bother...8:22 PM Aug 11th from web
Jess is home! Yay! *happy dance* Who knew I would miss her this much? : )8:21 PM Aug 11th from web
How happy I am to have a friend.9:36 AM Aug 10th from web
Sure... NOW twitter works...7:51 AM Aug 10th from web
Am I paranoid or is she a liar?7:50 AM Aug 10th from web
Acne, dry skin, and a bruise. My poor face.7:13 PM Aug 9th from txt
My phone keeps going off with txts. Every time I get excited, hoping it's her. I have been disappointed for the past 3 days...9:53 AM Aug 9th from txt
oh my jeez...6:42 AM Aug 9th from txt
@manofverb well I don't have an english accent either4:41 AM Aug 9th from txt
I feel so alone tonight. No one to talk to when all I want to do is forget.11:40 PM Aug 7th from web

Best Slinkers Vid EVA!

Mon, 06 Jul 2009 04:34:50 GMT

From My Scanner: To Do List

Fri, 26 Jun 2009 06:48:38 GMT

Long Distance Relationships?

Fri, 26 Jun 2009 04:33:37 GMT

I have been heartbroken from long distance relationships quite a few times. I think long distance relationships can and do work, but not for everyone. If you are one of the people with trust issues who is always afraid of your partner cheating, you will probably have a hard time making a normal relationship working let alone a long distance one. Long distance relationships take extra patience, trust, honesty, dedication, and if you want to see your partner anytime soon: a fair bit of cash flow. Also, if the relationship comes from two people who have met on the internet, I would say it is important for both people to know that knowing someone in person is much different from only talking on the phone/im/e-mail/webcam. So much of human communication is body language and those in a long distance relationships normally don't get to witness that often (short visit or webcam) if they see each other at all. Plus, not to be a pessimist but, not being able to be around your partner whenever you want makes it a lot easier for both of you to hide the flaws that you don't want the other to see. (no one is 100% open) As much as I would love to think that meeting someone you have known awhile on the internet won't change much in the relationship, the fact is it could change everything. It's almost like meeting a stranger, a stranger of whom you know lots of personal information. Does this mean that I am against meeting people on the internet? Not at all.
In fact, this Sunday a friend/boyfriend of mine who I have been talking to for 5 years is coming to visit me all the way from California for 10 days. (I live in Wisconsin.) Personally, I am surprised that I am not a nervous mess right now. There is still a part of me that wonders, “What if he doesn’t like me?” But for the most part, I am excited. We have a few plans already made (going to the Milwaukee Art Museum, a picnic in the park, fireworks for the 4th by the lake, cooking lunch together and watching a movie, (Across the Universe or RENT ) and a tour of the city by public bus) but otherwise we are just going to wing it. He is bringing his camera and said he will let me borrow it so hopefully I will get some good shots.
Hope this helped.

OkCupid.com: Take Tests

Wed, 24 Jun 2009 08:27:36 GMT

Your result for The LONG Scientific Personality Test...

FAIL!!!!

ENTJ - Commandant

The single word to describe your type is fieldmarshal or commandant. You also belong to the larger group called rationals. You love to organize others in matters of logic. Even as a child, you likely naturally assumed the role of leader in groups. You share your personality type with 2% of the population. When you lead, you are more concerned with policy and goals than rules and regulations. You have a tendency to become a workaholic. You are impatient with repetition of error. You are friendly and outgoing, though. You don't mince words and willingly share your many strong opinions.

As a romantic partner, you are inspiring, but also somewhat challenging. You have a strong desire to be in charge and your clear need for an organized life and home can be overwelming to a partner. You like to confront conflict directly, discuss problems unflinchingly, solve them, then put them behind you. However, you can be too impatient or unwilling to take the time to listen to your partner and give them a chance to express themselves fully so that they also have a sense of closure. You are generally uncomfortable dealing with emotions, so you are apt to dismiss your partner's emotions as illogical. You feel most appreciated when your partner asks for your opinions, takes your adivce, and relies on you to get a job done right.

Your group summary: rationals (NT)

Your type summary: ENTJ

Take

The Non-Intrusive STD Test

Wed, 24 Jun 2009 07:11:40 GMT

Your result for The Non-Intrusive STD Test...

The Condom

Good job, you scored the condom. You have enough STD knowledge to know you need to protect yourself at all times against the dirty little diseases that are going around out there. Although you didn't score the highest on the test you still at least know enough about STDs to keep that condom in your wallet or purse. Let's just hope it's not the one from eigth grade thats crusty and old by now. Don't forget, even condoms have expiration dates, and since you're on this site, you might wanna check the date on that before you next get busy.

Take The Non-Intrusive STD Test at HelloQuizzy

The Human Condition : John Mayer, Perez Hilton, and the Politics of Victim Blaming (Newsweek)

Tue, 23 Jun 2009 20:09:08 GMT

The only thing that I found worthwhile in the entire article:

"This whole discussion is just a 21st century version of what women and assault victims have been hearing for years. The logic that it falls on the victim to prevent irrational actions of the assailant is really outdated and really, really dangerous. Many victims of violence—and especially domestic violence—will tell you that the slaps, punches, and shoves perpetrated upon them didn't happen when they were just sitting their minding their own business. It came during some sort of disagreement. Maybe she snapped at him out of frustration. Maybe she hit on a particularly sore subject. These are all things that happen during the course of an argument—we're never at our best when tempers are inflamed. But that doesn't make it right, ever, to take the fight from cutting remarks to physical violence.

We all should try to be better people: less annoying or abrasive, less prone to reaching for the cheap (verbal) shot, more sensitive to those around us. But it's not our responsibility to ensure that the person we're arguing with doesn't cross the line from nasty name calling to physical violence. This tired line of thinking keeps women with abusers (because if she just avoided certain subjects...), makes it ok to beat up gay men who have the temerity to walk down a crowded street in the wrong side of town (because really, what did he expect?) and subtly endorses sociopaths who think it's their life's work to beat some sense into people who don't fit a cultural norm. It's Rhianna, it's Matthew Sheppard, it's Angie Zapata. It's wrong.

This is something we all know. Most of us claim to be all about non-violence and peaceful solutions and treating each other with kindness. The actual practice of supporting the victim, however, is a lot harder when the victim is kind of a douche. That, however, is when it's most important: you can't demand that people earn basic human rights with kindness points."

To read the rest of the article, go to: blog.newsweek.com/blogs/thehumancondition/archive/2009/06/23/john-mayer-perez-hilton-and-the-politics-of-victim-blaming.aspx

I don't have cancer.

Sun, 21 Jun 2009 08:34:06 GMT

I thought I did.

I am almost 100% relieved.

Math Sucks

Sun, 21 Jun 2009 07:10:24 GMT

Bisexuality immediately doubles your chances for a date on Saturday night. ~Woody Allen

zero times two is still zero...

Philosophical

Sun, 21 Jun 2009 01:09:28 GMT

Maybe time travel is possible, for even though time keeps moving forward the only direction I seem to move is backward.

depressing = seeing pictures of people who used to be your friends doing things you have only done in your best fantasies

How am I supposed to care about your life when you are trying so hard to die?

long time no see, but no one has changed

opinions are subjective, so grab a dictionary

Poetry Emo Ranty Thing

Fri, 19 Jun 2009 17:55:06 GMT

How could you sit there and lie to me
As if I know nothing
Just because I have never run in the same circles as you
doesn't mean I haven't felt the wind in my hair
If you don't want me to care about you
don't talk to me anymore
let me try and rinse you away
before you start to sting my eyes
and my heart
Pull away before I swim too far
And can't back to shore

Poll Time!

Tue, 16 Jun 2009 20:58:22 GMT

Completely random and pointless but...

View Poll: Biscuits!

Don't get your hopes up

Tue, 16 Jun 2009 18:21:31 GMT

Title: Speak Up (part 1/?)
Author: geneviverusset, duh
Rating: For this section: PG/K+ (could be G/K but I think people younger than 9 would have trouble understanding, whatever)
Genre: Drama
Word Count: 203
Warnings: Major URC (unresolved conflict)
Author's Notes: Chances are that i am only going to write a few sections (2 or 3) and then I will get bored and not finish it. I will try and wrap it up as best as possible but don't expect anything lengthy. If for some reason I do keep going, the rating will go up to about a PG-13/T and will probably include a bit of slash. (hence the slash/rating disclaimer) Just to let you know.
Disclaimers: The characters, events, and organizations portrayed in this narrative are fictitious. Any resemblance to actual events or individuals is purely coincidental.
All characters and plot are purely of my own imagination and design. Do not steal/modify. If you ask nicely, I may let you play with them. (As long as I get to watch)

This work of fiction contains content involving male homosexuality which may or may not include sexual relations between 2 or more men. If this offends you or isn’t really your cup of tea, feel free to leave. Flaming will not be tolerated.

Please check the rating on this piece. If a rating of this nature offends you and/or it is illegal for you to view objectionable content in your area, please find something else to read.

“They said they might send you home.”

I cringed. Home was the last place I wanted to end up. That’s how all of this had started. At home.

“Since you aren’t really communicating with anyone, there isn’t much we can do for you here.” There was finality in your tone, as if this was an open and shut case. It was almost if you had given me an ultimatum: start talking or go back to the place where your voice was stolen away. You make it sound so simple, like speaking should be a basic human function and I’m just being stubborn. But I know better. Speaking is dangerous.

You keep looking at me, as if you are hoping that today I will finally say something, anything. But like just like all the sessions before, you concede. Your hands smooth over your faux leather skirt before coming back to rest on your thighs. “That’s it for today.” I stand up, about to turn to the door, when you put a hand on my shoulder. “Charlie, you need to make the decision of whether or not you want to stay here.” There was a sad smile on your face. “I’ll see you on Tuesday.”

No Vacancy

Tue, 16 Jun 2009 02:55:19 GMT

I have too much on my plate. And stupid me took on another stray. Here is to those who think i am cold and heartless and unfeeling. If I keep going at this rate I might as well open a shelter for all the lost souls who self destuct to block out emotion. I can empathize, I used to be one of them. But I need to deal with my own shit too. I hate to be selfish but I have needs too, god damnit. I can't devote all my time to all the annorexics, drug adicts, alcoholics, undereducated, and ego maniacs. I would lose my mind. And considering my mind is the only part of me I really value anymore, I would like to keep it intact.
News Buletin: I care too fucking much.
I realize at the end of the day no matter what I do Jason will still lose control and pass out parties, Rachel with still be addicted to both drugs and her ex, Andrew will still be too self absorbed to show compassion, and Jessie will still be cripplingly ignorant. They tell me love can work miracles. But I'm not god. To me love just makes it hurt worse when I fail. And I have enough of my own pain, thanks.

Wed, 10 Jun 2009 16:46:41 GMT

Who was the last person you shared a bed with?
- my sister on a family vaction.

Where was your default picture taken?
- I don't know. It's just an icon I made using stock bases from DevArt

Do you consider yourself to be a neat freak?
- No.

What is the relationship between the last person you texted?
- Friends.

Do you have a fish tank?
- No, not anymore

Where was the last place you took a plane to?
- Home from Texas

Would you tell a stranger if they had spinach in their teeth?
- Maybe

When was the last time you went out of town?
- Easter break

Have you ever kissed someone who had braces?
- No.

Do you have a hard time admitting you're wrong?
- not when i know i'm wrong

Did you get enough sleep last night?
- I think so...

Have you ever made out in a bathroom?
- uh no
Do you find piercings to be attractive?
- on some people

If you had $100 to spend on clothes, where would you go to shop?
- shopko *giggle*

How do you earn money?
- Whoring myself out! haha yeah right

When was the last time you talked to your #1?
- too long ago

How did you feel when you woke up today?
- Lonely

Where did you buy the shrit you're wearing right now?
- Fashion bug online

Have you ever kissed anyone who smokes?
- yes

What are you doing tonight?
- *shrug* maybe working on jessie's grad present

Do you live nearby a beach or an amusement park?
- sorta.

What was the last thing you purchased at a gas station?
- a slurpee

How many pets have you had in your lifetime?
- 2

Do you like to spend time with your mother?
- I would love to spend time with my mom

What is your favorite television network?
- CBS?

If you had to, what song would you dedicate to your ex?
- Potential Breakup Song by Aly &Aj

What hair color do you think looks best on you?
- Dark brown with a bit of red

What brand of cereal did you last eat?
- bran flakes x_X

Do you prefer a house to an apartment?
- depends

What drugs have you done?
- speed

Do you ever get nervous when you're going out to a public place?
- YES!

Are you protective of your siblings?
- I can be

Do you like strawberry flavored things?
- meh. they are usually fail but i like to try them anyway

Criminal Intent

Tue, 09 Jun 2009 12:25:46 GMT

RULE 1
You can only say Guilty or Innocent.

RULE 2
You are not allowed to explain anything unless someone messages you and asks!
(So people reading this, if you want an explanation, comment.)

Asked someone to marry you?
- Innocent.

Kissed one of your Facebook friends?
- Guilty

Danced on a table in a bar?
- Innocent.

Ever told a lie?
- Guilty.

Had feelings for someone whom you can't have back?
- Guilty.

Ever kissed someone of the same sex?
- Guilty.

Kissed a picture?
- Guilty.

Slept in until 5 PM?
- Guilty.

Fallen asleep at work/school?
- Innocent/guilty.

Held a snake?
- Guilty.

Been suspended from school?
- Guilty.

Worked at a fast food restaurant?
- Innocent.

Been fired from a job?
- Innocent.

Done something you regret?
- Guilty.

Laughed until something you were drinking came out your nose?
- Guilty.

Caught a snowflake on your tongue?
- Guilty.

Kissed in the rain?
- Innocent.

Sat on a roof top?
- Innocent.

Kissed someone you shouldn't?
- Guilty.

Sang in the shower?
- Guilty.

Been pushed into a pool with all your clothes on?
- Innocent.

Shaved your head?
- Innocent.

Slept naked?
- Guilty.

Had a boxing membership?
- Innocent.

Made a boyfriend/girlfriend cry?
- Guilty.

Been in a band?
- Innocent.

Shot a gun?
- Innocent.

Donated Blood?
- Innocent.

Eaten alligator meat?
- Innocent.

Eaten cheesecake?
- Guilty.

Still love someone you shouldn't?
- Guilty.

Have/had a tattoo?
- Innocent.

Liked someone, but will never tell who?
- Guilty.

Been too honest?
- Guilty.

Ruined a surprise?
- Guilty.

Ate in a restaurant and got so bloated that you can't walk afterwards?
- Innocent.

Erased someone in your friends list?
- Guilty.

Dressed in a woman's clothes (if you're a guy) or man's clothes (if you're a girl)?
- Innocent.

Joined a pageant?
- Innocent.

Been told that you're handsome or beautiful by someone who totally meant what they said?
- Guilty.

Had communication w/ your ex?
- Guilty.

Dating Someone?
- Innocent.

Get totally drunk one night and you had an important exam tomorrow morning?
- Innocent

A total stranger treat you by paying your jeepney fare?
- ...Huh? o_O

Get totally angry that you cried so hard?
- Guilty.

Painless Sacrifice

Sun, 07 Jun 2009 14:11:37 GMT

Title: Painless Sacrifice
Author: Me, duh. geneviverusset
Rating: R
Genre: Angst, Drama, Romance, Slash (F/F)
Word Count: 159
Warnings: Bondage (consensual) It's not graphic. I'll save that for another day.
Author's Notes: Inspired by 2 of my friends from LJ. I hope they like it.
Disclaimers: The characters, events, and organizations portrayed in this narrative are fictitious. Any resemblance to actual events or individuals is purely coincidental.
All characters and plot are purely of my own imagination and design. Do not steal/modify. If you ask nicely, I may let you play with them. (As long as I get to watch)

This work of fiction contains content involving female homosexuality which may or may not include sexual relations between 2 or more women. If this offends you or isn’t really your cup of tea, feel free to leave. Flaming will not be tolerated.

Please check the rating on this piece. If a rating of this nature offends you and/or it is illegal for you to view objectionable content in your area, please find something else to read.

She could never look me in the eyes when she hit me. Her gaze would only focus on the place her hand was about to collide with. It was as if she was trying to make sure she did it right the first time so she wouldn’t have to bring herself to do it again. Though just because she couldn’t look at me doesn’t mean I didn’t look at her. No, I saw her. I saw the pain in her eyes as she bound me, degraded me, beat me, cut me. I saw how much it hurt her to do it, even though it was what I wanted. What I needed. And when we were done and I lay on the floor recovering, she would hum to me softly, gently stroking my hair. And as she whispered “I love you”s in my ear, it was in those moments that began to believe there was more to life than pain.

And so it starts...

Thu, 04 Jun 2009 17:59:51 GMT

When you try your best but you don't succeed
When you get what you want but not what you need
When you feel so tired but you can't sleep
Stuck in reverse

And the tears come streaming down your face
When you lose something you cannot replace
When you love someone but it goes to waste
Could it be worse?

Lights will guide you home
And ignite your bones
And I will try to fix you

And high up above or down below
When you're too in love to let it go
But if you never try you'll never know
Just what you're worth

Lights will guide you home
And ignite your bones
And I will try to fix you

Tears stream down your face
When you lose something you cannot replace
Tears stream down your face
And I

Tears stream down your face
I promise you I will learn from my mistakes
Tears stream down your face
And I

Lights will guide you home
And ignite your bones
And I will try to fix you.

Fix You by Coldplay

Getting Dizzy...

Thu, 04 Jun 2009 10:25:44 GMT

So I need to get this down. It has been ages since I wrote anything decent.
I ~~almost~~ want to make a list.

Andrew is coming here. No joke. I don't get it either. And before you can condem me for giving in I figure that this guy has been such a big part of my life and i haven't even met the guy. I think i should at least meet him. If her turns out to be a huge jackass I can always tell him to get lost.
I went on a date. A real one. With a guy. His name was Andrew. (no the significance of that name was not lost on me.) It was alright. I don't think I could go on another date with him though and turn this into something serious. He's not my type. As cliche as that sounds, I need someone who is more well rounded than heavy metal and WoW. Sorry.
Rachel deserves her own damn entry and will probably get a few. Summary: She has turned things that have been the same for years upside down in a matter of years. Good and bad. The jury is still out on the course of action. In a word: confusion. Evidence: 6 poems written about her and one more in the works
I'm changing majors, again. Web design this time. I hope this one will stick. The good thing is I can actually see myself being happy doing web design. Happy is good.
My sister is 18 now. I don't believe it really. Today is her last day of high school. I'm doing the slide show for her party on the 27th, the day before Andrew gets here.
My PCOS is back. My period is MIA since march and we all know I haven't had sex, ever. Grrrrrrrr.