I need your approval. I need you to be okay with me. I need you to understand that I’m not perfect and be okay with me being less than what we all think I can be.

That phrase that people use, the idea of “living up to your potential” – I don’t want you to think of my potential, okay? I don’t want you to think of what I “could be”. Instead I want you to think of me where I am, and take into account what I’m doing right now. Because right now I’m not where I could be. Right now I don’t have everything together; I’m taking one course; I can’t get out of the house everyday.

When that happens though – when I can’t get out – I still try to do things. I’m adapting my art, for instance, to suit where I am right now. Sometimes I can get to the studio, but occasionally the only place I can be is at home. I’m making it so that on those days where I can’t get outside, I’m able to do something and have some sort of accomplishment that makes that day worth something to me, something that moves me forwards towards my goals in some way.

And yes, I do have goals; I’m just making them more achievable right now. Even though these goals are smaller, I am still sure that they are worthwhile. After all, when put together these goals will get me to the big accomplishments that matter.

When I look too far down the line at these goals I get discouraged. When I tell myself that my goal is “become an artist” instead of “finish your project” or even “finish one part of your project” I feel like what I have done isn’t good enough, and like what I still have to do is impossible.

An alternate path is to recognize the small achievements so that I can feel proud everyday and go forwards without fear. This is what I’m working on. I’m taking into account all of the small things that I have to do.

Now every day I will check something off, and no matter how small or big the accomplishment I will be proud. Because finishing a window will eventually lead to finishing a house, which can finally lead to finishing my project. Without those first few steps the last step would never happen. Why wait until the last step to feel proud?

Alongside these goals are other essential things that must be done everyday. For instance - I have to sleep, wake up, eat, and wash myself. For others these things may come as naturally as breathing and they may not consider doing any of those acts an achievement. One day I might be able to be one of those people, but at this stage in my life sleeping, waking up, eating, and washing are a challenge for me on some days. Whenever I overcome the challenge, therefore, I will feel proud.

Everyone, it seems, has learned to run through life – I’m still getting a handle on walking through it. Therefore I might arrive a little later at those finish lines, but I will be proud of every one I cross, and I will get there in the end. Just be patient and I’ll keep moving on forwards.

I've never met anyone named Murk.

i want miley cyrus to get pregnant. that would make my day.

i wish i could be with you you are a god's gift to me. but talking to you online is not enough. i wish people didn't judged too fast i wish we didn't live so far away from each other i wish you never give up.

The concept of lunch annoys me. Breakfast doesn't annoy me though I rarely eat breakfast. Dinner is ok.

I am going to lose it

last night was amazing
she thinks i stabbed her in the back
im not losing you again
she hates me no doubt

the girl code did not occur
she says i love you
i loved you first
she says good bye forever

so much drama for this day
she wants me to burn in hell
i still love you and it shall not fade
she says good bye and oh well

i wanted to cry 
she was
i told some lies
she doesnt love me, who does?

my best friends say they do
i think you do
mom does
dad, unfortunately, does

this has been the best day
even if i lost her along the way
i dont know what's gonna happen next
but i hope its with you and no one else 

I wish people came with strategy guides.

2 puffs light headed
half gone i cant stand
all gone im gonna puke
i callapsed

you help me walk home
i hold on to my stomach
my mind keeps wondering
i hate this

we get to my house
i eat to calm my stomach
you feel bad
i feel sick

nicotene high i cant stand
real high i'd never be able to handle
getting addicted is not an option
i decide never again

my parents are bringing home a bunch of pizza soon. i know i dont want to eat it but i dont know if i can control myself. panic! help

there's no such thing as smoking too much weed.

After God has given us such a good year for celebrity deaths I was expecting something a bit better for the encore.

So a young, washed up Hollywood actress dies of an apparent drug-induced heart attack...

Somewhere.....Tara Reid is knocking on wood.

These suck. Good Brittany Murphy jokes? Go.

I think I feel a migraine coming on. :(

Rusty survival
breathes heavily
and throws up its hands
in capitulation
while needs give way
to endless wants
(reason seems
to be almost extinct,
bleeding in the streets
and on the freeways
burning with effervescence
over its suffering)

I try to think back
to when we were young
and knew that the world
was ours
and the night was a sanctuary
that could not be desecrated
by anything we said
or did
but it seems so meaningless now,
with the light of years illuminating
it seems anything but sacrosanct

So dig
beneath your thoughts,
beneath your heart,
and find some new diamond
to glitter
in imitation of your Sun
(another distraction
for your lonely eyes)

In this frozen river
of melancholy
I mend another broken bone
and send another loose thought home
I bend myself
only to break

It feels like I've been asleep
for too many months
of this year
letting my eyes be pulled shut
by heavy thoughts
and tired inadequacies
(I'm perpetually reluctant,
constantly swept away
by the force
of my own desire)

isolation dissolves
every word I spoke,
still I hunger for something more
than what I have found
but all I seem to see
in the innumerable faces
is echoes and shame,
hidden as best they can

Yet,
I cannot believe this
I find in you
something substantial
and concrete
something that doesn't end
(you gracefully bend towards
then away
from me
like a tree
in the fickle wind)
you are beautifully imperfect
and I don't know what to do
with you

there is reason
to stand tall
and reason
to fall to the earth
in tomorrow
we'll carry on
to a way out
and bury what we're worth
(bury it
beneath the weight
of our own inadequacies)

I'm happy to report that Amaranth & Ash has been picked up by epublisher Loose Id. I'm so pleased the story's found a home and very happy to be working with Loose Id again.

In accordance with my contract, I'll be taking the rough draft of Amaranth & Ash down from Friskbiskit the day after tomorrow: 12/23/9 So, if you haven't read the A&A episodes yet, and you want to, this is your last chance. Here's the direct link to the page:
http://www.friskbiskit.com/amaranth-ash-a-novel-in-progress.html

Wishing you a wonderful holiday and a happy and healthy new year!

I wish I felt better.

I wish I had enough energy to go and take a shower (yes I feel that bad right now. Standing up for even a minute drains me)

I wish my mother would quit being moody for one damn day and acknowledge that something is wrong my heart and that i'm concerned.

I wish it were Christmas already...

I wish Rachel were online...

I wish my stomach didn't feel bleh right now...

Yipes! Stripes! Fruit Stripe gum!

Some people are just TOO obsessed with pregnancy. I'm on an avatar site where people often suggest the ability to make the avatars look pregnant/have babies, and this is the idea one person posted.

"We should have pregnant avatars. For those who wanna have pixel children and are pregnant for real, we should have pregnant avatars.
We could have an NPC for a store.
We can also put how much months until birth. The limit will be 9 months.
In the store, we can also buy items for the baby.
The cheap baby items could be...
Starter items. Every month, the baby will upgrade 1 month older.
The baby can appear by your avatar. You can click the baby to take care of it.
In the "Baby Inventory", You could view your baby, and change it's clothes,
change it's diaper (At least you don't smell it's pixel poop, right?) feed it,
etc. We can have up to 10 kids. When the child is 25 years of age, we will let it get married to some other person's child. Our children can also send us "Child-Mail" to our cellphone while we are gone. During a week of a Holiday, our children can visit us...even on our b-days.

Well... hope you like the idea! It took me forever to type this. Really! BTW...
here is a few noms.
Nomnomnomnomnom"

No, I have no idea what the "nomnom" thing at the end is all about, though it helps show the maturity level of the user. Seriously, if you want that shit just have a real kid. See how much fun having babies is when it's actual work. I just hope to hell this person isn't pregnant in the real world because if so her kid is going to suffer horribly.